Proud as a Peacock

Merriam-Webster defines pride as, “the quality or state of being proud: as
a : inordinate self-esteem or conceit
b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect
c : delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship”

peacock

Proud? Or just beautiful?

As you can see, pride is one of those remarkable English words that can depict something at both ends of a spectrum. It’s both conceit and self-respect. It can be both inordinate and justifiable.

When the peacock displays its finery, is it out of a justifiable knowledge of its beauty, or strutting in conceit? For a peacock, probably neither.

But for us humans in a relationship, pride is almost always counter-productive.

Out of a sense of pride, we silently bear small wounds inflicted by those we love. It is pride that allows us to foster discontent instead of asking for help. It is pride that keeps us stuck in a place of resentment against those that we may love the most. We have thoughts such as:

“If she really loved me, she would know how I’m hurting.”
“If he cared enough, he would do the right thing.”
“I shouldn’t have to ask… she should know what I need.”
“When will he realize how much that hurts me?”

But these are the irrational thoughts of the wounded and proud ego. How can we expect our loved one to be a mind reader? How can we expect another, no matter how close, to really know how we feel about something?

We must speak our truth. We must honor our feelings by sharing them. We must put aside the hurt long enough to allow something wonderful to happen: Communication.

It is through listening, talking and understanding that relationships flourish. It is through our listening heart, our voice of integrity and our open mind that Love is conveyed and understood. To work it out, we must bring it up.

As we ask for understanding, we open our hearts to greater intimacy. As we ask for clarification, we have a better chance of understanding others and ourselves. As we put away our pride and say what’s on our mind—we open a path for our heart.

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Be Mine. All Mine.

I suppose we can blame it on the candy hearts. You remember: those sugary hearts with the Valentine messages? They still sell them and we’re still filling our minds (and our children’s minds) with these little ideas of love:

NECCO "Sweetheart"

Be Mine. All Mine.
My Baby. Love Me.
Two Hearts. Melt My Heart.
Be My Hero.

…and so many more.

Trouble is, we might believe it. We might just think we need a hero. We might think that we can command love, own love, or worse yet, possess the object of our love.

For over 100 years the makers of “NECCO Sweethearts” have been producing these candies as a reflection of the ideas we share about romantic love. Is it any wonder that relationships are so messy?

I think it’s time for a new message about Love. I think we’re ready for a more honest approach and a viewpoint that is uplifting, but realistic.

At its most difficult, Love can be quite a roller-coaster ride, so maybe:
Go Easy. Be Tender. Softly, Gently.

Or maybe we should honor a more realistic and practical approach to love:
Getting Along. Harmony. Working At Love. Let’s Communicate.

Or maybe we should stick to the most fundamental nature of Love—the Unity of Love as the Spirit within:
I Am Love. Being Love. Me=Love. One Love.

These would be more appropriate messages of the kind of healthy love we want to have. We don’t want to “own” anyone—we want to collaborate and share our experiences. We don’t want to “command” love—we want to become more loving and be a better source of the love we’d like to have reflected back at us. We don’t want to look for love on the outside—in the form of a hero or a keeper. We want to experience love from the position of one whole human being loving another whole human being.

So let’s get to it.

No doubt the NECCO folks will come right along with new candies to reflect our new and improved ideas of Love.

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Silence: Still Golden

When I was seven, Grandma taught, “Silence is Golden.” The silence was for me; the silent moment was golden for her.

Silence Is Golden

“Nothing in all creation is so like God as silence.” Meister Eckhart

But come to find out, silence is good for everyone. Research studies have shown that spending even 10 minutes in silence every day will boost our immune systems, quiet our minds, lower our blood pressure, calm our nerves, promote healing of our tissues and mitigate built-up stress.

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Another Planet, Another God?

Using a technique called gravitational microlensing, an international team of scientists now postulates that every star may have one or more planets. It appears that planet formation is simply part of the process of star formation. The 200,000,000,000+ stars in our own galaxy include billions of planets!

The Milky Way Galaxy

Our Milky Way Galaxy

When we look up at the night sky, it seems more clear than ever that we are not alone in this Universe. We’re probably not even alone in our arm of the Milky Way galaxy.

And what do you think is going on up there? Do you think a race of non-humans is, at this very moment, watching television and wondering if they bought the right brand of breakfast cereal?

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Dancing With The Star

My partner, Daniel, is a ballroom dance teacher. He teaches adults, but also has many classes of fifth graders throughout the city. In addition to dancing, he teaches them how to ask someone to dance, how to respectfully touch each other, how to behave if they turn you down and how to politely “pass” on a dance.

Ballroom Dancing

Ballroom Dancing

I recently overheard him explain why dancing is sometimes boring. He was telling a young fellow that it was up to him to make the dance fun. He said that if you don’t initiate any changes or lead any new steps, the dance just keeps going with the basics. The “leader” of the dance has to decide what steps will be interesting—otherwise, it will be the same step over and over again.

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My God’s Bigger Than Your God

But then, it should be. I keep it exercised.

What I mean is that I work at keeping my idea of God as big as possible. In Science of Mind, we believe that God is all there is—so that means everything. God covers a lot of ground: every person, place, concept and event (seen and unseen) is part of God. Yes, that big—infinitely big.

God a la Sistine Chapel

God (as humanly depicted in the Sistine Chapel)

That’s why we can say that God is Omnipresent (everywhere present), Omnipotent (all powerful) and Omniscient (all wise). God would have to be, since it covers everything that ever exists and ever will exist.

And it’s important to have a big idea of God. Then you know that nothing is outside of God’s capability of healing, or of loving or of supporting. Everything that we could ever need or want is within God—part of God’s nature and substance.

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Night Fishing

Ever see the brightly lit boats off the coast during winter’s night? Wonder what would make fishermen and women brave the dark, cold and potential danger of winter’s turbulent sea?

Night Fishing

Night Fishing

It’s the fish, of course!

In the shortened days of winter, with food relatively scarce, the resident fish are hungry for what is available. They know that light brings warmth and the promise of the “food chain” at work. The stark contrast between the black of night and the bright lights from a boat are a powerful lure to sea creatures. They know that where there is light, there is life.

So it is with us.

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Snow Days

The Pacific Northwest is one of those funny places. We sell a lot of real estate in the summer—beautiful days with countryside as green as you can imagine. Even in the occasional heat of summer there’s a cool breeze off the water and a green canopy overhead.

The winters are relatively mild—a month or so of overcast, but only a few days of snow or deep cold.

Snow Day

Ready for a "Snow Day?"

But when it does snow, people sit up and take notice.

Perfectly ordinary people become excited and silly. As the first flake falls, schools close, busses go on snow routes and people make frantic trips to the store for provisions. Good drivers turn bad. Bad drivers simply abandon their cars. It’s like they’ve never seen snow before!

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Winter Solstice

Last night was the longest night of 2011. As the Earth tips its axis furthest from the sun (at least in the northern hemisphere), we experience the shortest day and the beginning of winter.

Solstice

Winter Solstice at Stonehenge

Winter Solstice has long been associated with cycles of life and rebirth. In pre-historic times, people had to live from stored-up food during the winter months. They would become troubled as they saw the life-giving sun set earlier each evening. They looked for the solstice, the beginning of longer days, to mark the change of the seasons and the promise of another fruitful year.

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Irrepressible Life!

As winter begins here in the United States, many of us are making the inward journey of self-examination, of rest and renewal. As we follow the cycle of stillness and dormancy in the shortest days of the year, it’s easy to think that life has withdrawn. It’s easy to believe that God’s taking a rest, too.

Limestone Leaf Warbler

Limestone Leaf Warbler

Continents away, the World Wildlife Federation published a study this week cataloging hundreds of newly documented plant and animal species in the Mekong region of Thailand, Cambodia, Myanmar, Vietnam and Laos. During 2010, scientists documented a “new” species in this region about every other day. Included among the new species were monkeys with an Elvis-like haircut, a vibrantly colored newt, a leaf warbler and an all-female species of lizard.

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